What can we learn from Thais?
It is January, and reflecting back on the last two years since we moved to Asia, I think some of my approaches and attitudes to life have started to change. The Thai way of life, customs and religion have started to impact and influence my way of life.
Thai people are very tolerant, straightforward, attached to tradition and the Buddhist religion. Sadly, this is often abused by visitors, and their hospitality and honesty often misused. Let us remember that when coming to the land of smiles, we are guests here. We need to adapt to their way of life and to preserve their customs and culture, and not vice versa.
Here I will share with you what you can learn from these smiling and friendly people.
Do not worry about the past.
What it was, and what you did, do not regret it, because it was supposed to be (your destiny), and nothing will change. Everything that has happened, has to do with your karma, which leads to a better (or worse) life in the next incarnation.
What matters is today.
„Today I am here and that’s what counts.” For example, if a Thai wins the lottery they do not save, nor leave anything for themselves. We can be sure that they will share with the extended family, friends and the needy. Only a small portion would be spent on current needs or providing for the future. This is partly due to religion, which requires doing good works and deeds to earn ‘merits’ for the next life. The aim is to improve the ‘karma’ of the giver. At school, I noticed that if one student wins sweets during some fun activity, it is immediately happily shared with others. It is a pleasure to see kids happy to share, and happy with someone else’s good fortune.
Do not worry about tomorrow.
Thai people do not worry about tomorrow, nor do they plan or save for the future. If you do not know what is going to happen tomorrow, why worry about it today. In any case, if you have earned enough merits, it will be a better life next time.
‘Mai pen rai’
It means ‘no problem’, ‘don’t worry’. Do not worry and do not bother or interfere with others. If you cannot control something, then it is not worth the worry. Even if something is bothering a Thai, you will still see a smile. This is not because they are happy, but a cultural face saving ‘mask’ to hide their displeasure. Delving into their culture, one can understand their behaviour, because showing emotions of anger, sadness, or any other negative attitude is seen as sign of weakness and inferiority. So, the higher you are on the social ladder, the more important it is to cover up the embarrassment and sadness with a smile. You can imagine the Thai’s horror of dealing with foreigners with bad attitude and anger management issues.
Enjoy the happiness of others and do not envy others.
If someone is lucky in life, the whole community rejoices, and no one shows jealousy or other unfriendly attitudes to lucky person. This goes back to their cultural belief that this person has earned extra merits in a previous life, and is now reaping the benefits.
Tolerance and openness.
Thai’s are extremely tolerant. Accept everyone and their differences without exception. An example of this is the recognized number of sexes and sexual orientations, of which six of them are distinguished and accepted as perfectly normal:
I have slowly come to recognize and accept this as ‚normal’, but I still struggle with it being completely acceptable, whereas Thai’s would not see anything negative about it.
Respect for elders and superiors.
The older you get the more respect you earn. By convention, the first question a Thai may ask a senior citizen is ‘how old you are’. This is so that they can show the correct level of respect appropriate to your age. It is expected that the younger take care of the elderly in most daily chores, and take care of them during their old age. Young people are even honour bound to maintain not only their parents, but also the entire extended family. This financial and social co-operation makes for a strong family unit.
The Thai’s like most Asian’s have an instinct for knowing who is higher on the social ladder and to show the correct level of respect. Similarly, the higher you are in the corporate or business world, so the correct level of respect needs to be shown for the positional status. As a result, very few Thai’s will show initiative or share ideas with their boss, and certainly never disagree with them.
Enjoy what you have.
This approach to life also comes from the Buddhist religion. Sometimes going along side streets of the city I look discreetly into informal houses, those made of metal or some bricks and boards. There are no special comforts and the most basic of furniture. On the floor, in the centre of the room, is a mattress or a blanket, on which the family sits during the day and sleep at night. There may be a drawer unit or a wardrobe, shelves and two plate gas stoves. Most have a washing machine and a TV. Sometimes the entrance or in the main room is a motorcycle. This is probably their most prized possession and is the greatest achievements of their life. With it, children are escorted to school in the morning, and the parents commute to work. Looking at them, I sometimes feel sorry for these poor people, but on the other hand, they are happy, and seem to enjoy life. Perhaps the less things they have, the less they have to worry about and rather enjoy an uncomplicated life. We are also now trying to simplify our lives, and to rather focus on family rather than making money and chasing materialistic goals.
Family, friends, and belonging to a community.
Spending time with family and friends, having fun together, and most importantly enjoying meals together is the basis of everyday life. Having fun, Thai ’sanuk’, is prized, and Thai’s know how to do it perfectly. They are able to spend an entire evening enjoying a meal, or having a simple get together over a beer. This can be sharing a meal on the pavement outside their home or making a BBQ next to the river after having caught a fish. We have started to learn that fancy and expensive does not always mean more fun. Simple pleasures can be far more satisfying.
Respect for other people and animals.
The Thai culture does not allow anyone to harm or hurt another person or animal, both in deed and word. This applies to every aspect of life, and can have some negative consequences like not euthanising sick animals.
No-one likes to be the bearer of bad news, nor rebuke anyone. So often you will be told what you would like to hear, even if it is not true. Thai’s get the meaning of what you are saying from the ‘clouds’, so it can be very confusing for foreigners. An example would be a teacher parent evening at school where parents get feedback on their kids’ performance. Instead of saying that their child messes around in the lesson and interferes with the other students, they might say that their child is very popular and has many friends. Instead of saying that the child is underachieving and likely to fail, they would say that the child could possibly use some extra lessons.
Thai people also respect the animals and feed the homeless or hungry. It’s the same with people. Nobody here is starving despite the fact that many are extremely poor. There is a big divide between the rich and the poor, yet the communities look after each other, and include the orphans, disabled and sick.
Working here is relaxing and a much quieter pace of life. Starting in the New Year, I would like to suggest that we reflect on what is really important in our lives.
What makes us happy?
Materialistic possessions, money or status?
Is it solely to boast in front of others, to show that we are better than others?
Does it really matter what car, laptop or smartphone that we have?
Do we really need to have a new car?
Do we need another pair of designer shoes or clothes?
Do we really have to go on an expensive foreign holiday?
Is money more important than spending time with our family?
Do we work for our family, or at the expense of our family?
What actually makes us better?
What would really make us happy?
Is the pursuit of happiness is not lost sight of its essence?
Regardless of religion, orientation, colour, nationality or financial status, everyone has the right to happiness. Let us build and focus on what really matters in life.
I wish you and your families wisdom, health and happiness.
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